I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
