This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
