my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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