great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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