I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
