This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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