just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
