Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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