It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
