she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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