Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
