Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
