How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
