How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
