when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I checked into jail on foursquare
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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