u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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