also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I've blown a few things in my day
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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