i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
