worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just forgot I was standing up.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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