ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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