my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize