we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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