I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
