I skipped work to stalk him.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
