I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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