Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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