i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
