This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
