C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
