Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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