I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
