Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
