looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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