I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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