I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
