so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
