Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
