is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
