Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize