but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
