You don't have asthma, your pregnant
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
