i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
