so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
