you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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