I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
