So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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