I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
