Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
