jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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