had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Im part way to drunk.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
