Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize