So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
