I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
