I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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