this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
