So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
