She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
What a dumb baby whore.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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