dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well I just put wine in my tea
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
