I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
What happened to fro yo and sex?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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