Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
