Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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