good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
