Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
