2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
