I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
