so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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