I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
