It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
