yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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