I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I would fuck him just for his dog
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
