i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
